When God Really wants the other team to win

My personal anti-depressants

Things have been up and down this year. Then something good happens, and then something bad happens. It is like riding a rollercoaster at an amusement park…on acid. I guess that is life.

The best thing in my life is, it doesn’t matter how kak day I had or how stressed I might be, a hug from my kids take it all away. It works every time. Guaranteed. At first I thought they were just little yelling pooping and eating machines. It seems they have a use after all.

They make me happy.

Modern vampires

I hate modern vampires. Now Dracula wasn’t impartial to some drama but this lot today is just ridiculous.

I hate them. When they speak, they nearly always stand inappropriately close to you while staring into your eyes like they are some kind of know it all gypsies. Also why do they all have to look like cone heads these days? If they can’t see themselves in the mirror to comb their hair then shouldn’t they maybe keep it short? And what is this crap about them going on and on about their feelings? They are vampires, the undead. I should be scared of them, not hold their hand while helping them through a mid century crisis. And now they suddenly glitter in the sun. What is up with that? I need them to explode when I knock down their bedroom wall during daytime. That is what I need. And when I show them a cross they should wimper and grovel at my feet like little babies, but no, these days they will get into a philosophical debate about religion. Die demon spawn from hell! And since when has pedophilia ever been acceptable. A 100 year old dead bloke having sexual encounters with a teenage girl is creepy. Very creepy. Not romantic at all, in any way whatsoever.

Please bring back old school vampires. I can’t take this anymore. 

Shock

This morning the traffic was backed up due to yet another car crash. I see at least 3 a week here, some serious some less so. I mostly find them extremely annoying, silently cursing these reckless drivers for holding me up in traffic. As fate would have it this morning, the police stopped me right next to the crash as they were letting the ambulances back into traffic to take away the injured. It was there, while sitting in the car listening to some 80’s soppy song that my heart shattered.  

It wasn’t the carnage of motor parts strewn over the road or even the Muslim lady fully clothed in Abaya that was being loaded into the back of the ambulance. It was her little boy sitting next to the road, starring in complete shock mixed with horror how his mom is being loaded into the back of the ambulance. You could see how he feared for her life. He wasn’t crying, it was too much for him to do. Behind him his father sat, holding him tight, crying his eyes out, and trying to comfort his son who might be seeing his mom for the last time.

I’m shaking as I type this. 

Financial perspective

This is what R1.5 million (US$ 190,000) looks like (UAE Dirhams 690,000). Disappointing hey? This is probably more than the value of your house. You are most likely paying a 20 year mortgage on an amount less than this.

48.3% of the world population (3,14 billions of people) has an income of less than 2,5 US$/day.

In a 50 year work life they would therefore accumulate US $ 46,000 (R366 000), roughly a 5th of the above.

So in all due respect, when I see these marches like "occupying Wall Street", or marches for "Economic freedom", I have to laugh…

Clearly economic freedom means different things to different people. For us it might mean being able to afford a Ipod for Christmas, for others it means not starving to death.

The healer of all wounds

I remember when I was a little boy I was seriously prone to hurting myself. I would always cut myself, step in a nail, get bitten by a dog, get scratched up, get my finger half knocked off by a door, fell off my bike, you know, the usual stuff kids go through. There was always one cure for these injuries, Dettol or with the more serious cases Mercurochrome.

Sweet mother of pain! I would sometimes rather hide injuries then to get dabbed with that stuff. It burned like hell.

The last time my son got scrathed up I though, hey, I’m going to get some Mercurochrome. It worked for us, it should work for him. I was sadly surprised to find out that the red fire devil is no longer freely available as it was and here in the UAE I have not been able to find it. Apparently they discovered that putting mercury on open wounds isn’t always the best thing to do. Although your chances of getting poisoned is very remote, there were some cases where it allegedly happened so now Mercurochrome is no longer used in most first world countries. It is still however available in most other regions of the world.

Oh well, I guess it just shows how awesome us kids of the 70’s / 80’s were. When we get hurt our parents tried to poison us to get better….on the other hand that might explain a lot.

My handicap

I have been blessed with the balance of a one year old. I fall more often than any grown man should. Frankly I’m dreading to grow old because hip replacement will certainly be on the cards for me after I take a nosedive in the street / park / shower / bed etc.

Of the many falls I did experience there are a few that stood out for me.

The fall in the summer of 2001 in front of ABSA Stellenbosch.

I was strolling down the street in my freshly dry cleaned suit. My mission was to buy a sandwich for lunch. I was walking past the bank and contemplating the all important choice that had to be made, will it be chicken and mayo or cheese and tomato? I suddenly realized that the earth is coming at me real fast and it didn’t seem that it was planning to side step me. Luckily my ninja instincts took over and I remember a judo lesson from the 6^th grade where they taught us to roll with the fall.

This was epic. As I fell down I blocked the ground with my left forearm and kicked my legs over my head, doing a half assed summersault/ ground roll and I was back on my feet in like 0.5 second. If you blinked, you missed it. “If anyone had to see that they must have thought, “Look there he falls… nope… great save, that guy is awesome! I” just continued walking like nothing happened although my arm was bleeding inside my suit. I was freaken ninja cool.

I did however notice that the bergies were laughing their asses off at me. They however refrained from chirping me, Thank heavens.